Silences the Light
by Jocasta Silver
Summary: All Nova wanted was to become a famed warrior and make Clan Viscla proud of him, but fate had other ideas.


Author's Note: So it took awhile, but I've finally written a piece on Nihilus' origins.

Disclaimer: I don't own _Star Wars_ or _Knights of the Old Republic_. They both belong to their respective owners.

Silences the Light

 _Malachor V was an impressive act of destruction, but its impact on the lives of others in the galaxy was far more extreme."_ \- HK-47

Nova's first memory was a meeting between the Mandalorian clans when he was about three and a half. Such grand meetings were extremely rare, since they usually degenerated into squabbles, and Nova was aware even then of how special this occasion was. Some of the adults chugged down liquor and traded stories of their exploits, especially the events of the Exar Kun War. Others snuck off in pairs as if they were about to perform something illicit that Nova couldn't understand. Why would they sneak away like mischievous younglings when all the excitement was here?

His mother Deanna told him to stay close to Clan Viscla since she didn't want him to accidently get trampled by the ginormous party of revelers, but Nova tripped and somehow managed to wander away into an unfamiliar group. At first, he was content to simply observe the revelers as they danced by or sparred somewhat clumsily since alcohol and fighting didn't mix very well. However, when he realized that his mother was nowhere in sight, a feeling of thousand birds soaring around in his chest and crashing into each other revealed itself.

Suddenly, a figure grabbed his hand and dragged him away from the group. "Are you lost little one?" the voice asked.

Nova nodded, somewhat ashamed to find salty tears running down his cheeks. Mandalorians didn't cry; not even if they were younglings. It seemed an eternity before they found his mother Deanna, who had started to search for him.

"Thank you Canderous," she said, gathering her son up in her arms. Nova clung to her, for once not caring that everyone else saw him refusing to be parted from his mother.

"It was no trouble at all cousin," Canderous replied. "Hopefully, you will join us in the next series of raids."

His mother smiled. "Perhaps, once Nova is a little older."

"And give my greetings to your husband Kenneth," Canderous said.

"I will tell him you said 'hi'. I'm sure it will help cheer him up."

Canderous saluted them before returning to his own clan. Nova knew that his mother would normally scold him for wandering off and scaring her half to death, but tonight she seemed pensive as if there was some momentous occasion approaching.

"Why did he call you cousin Mom?" Nova asked, unable to stifle his curiosity any longer.

"Before I married your father I was part of Clan Ordo," Deanna explained. "The same clan as Canderous."

"I hope someday that I'll be as good of a warrior as Canderous," Nova declared.

"I hope so too little one," his mother replied. "I hope so too."

…

When he first met Asteria one year and six months after the great party, Nova noted that she seemed withdrawn and soft-spoken only answering direct questions. However, when the time came for their lessons, she threw herself into training just as eagerly as the other younglings.

"So why do you train so hard?" he inquired one day when Nova managed to get her alone.

"I'm not a Mandalorian," she replied. "At least, not by birth. Therefore, I must prove to Jerran that I am worthy of becoming part of Clan Viscla."

So, she was one of the slaves taken on raids who now sought to elevate herself. To become one of them was difficult but not impossible if one showed great skill and had patronage from one of the elite warriors. Nova privately hoped she succeeded, since he already thought of her as a sister. Asteria, or Astie, as he nicknamed her was part of the group of younglings who liked him and helped to defend him from Ajax, who was convinced that Nova was too wimpy and weak to make a ferocious fighter and needed to be culled from the ranks. Nova privately admitted that he enjoyed breaking the bastard's hand, which was worth the week of kitchen duty his mother made him do for it. He'd been ecstatic to have warriors who he barely recognized clapping him on the back for managing to take down someone who was three years older and twice his size.

…

As a young man, Nova noted that he possessed a more heightened awareness of his surroundings than most of the other younglings. For instance, he knew when the day his parents would return from fighting in the latest war before everyone else did. Perhaps that was another reason he was close to Asteria as she also seemed to possess a similar sixth sense.

That was why the dream that occurred not long after his eighth birthday left him very much troubled. His mother Deanna fought bravely in battle, but suddenly a grenade exploded and imbedded its shards into her body. He felt her pain as though it was his own, and sensed that she couldn't be saved. In addition, he saw his father at first desperately beg Deanna to stay with him for the sake of their son Nova. But he finally just held Deanna's hand until she passed.

When the news of his mother's demise finally reached Nova two days later, he had already begun to mourn. His father caught a sickness and died six months after, and Nova went to live with Asteria and her guardian Jerran.

…

Nova could barely hold in his enthusiasm, since today was the day Astie would be recognized as a full Mandalorian and an adult. She'd performed well in the latest battle, and Nova struggled to hold at bay his feelings of envy. While Mandalorians allowed teenagers into battle, at ten, Nova was only allowed to stay with the medical ship in the unlikely event that someone survived their wounds in battle and needed tending. When he wheedled with Jerran to at least be allowed to observe on one of the capital ships, all the man would say was "we'll see," which Nova interpreted to mean "never".

At least he was deemed old enough to watch as his adoptive sister received the tattoo of Clan Viscla right below her left shoulder blade. Nova was proud to note that Asteria didn't flinch, although she had tears in her eyes when she was finally allowed to use the name of the clan she'd served since she was five.

Nova also got his first taste of hard liquor when Ajax, who'd also received his tattoo at the young age of thirteen, goaded him into drinking some. The hard liquor burned his throat with a taste that resembled mouth wash, and Nova couldn't comprehend how some of the warriors drank like it was water. After he dozed off for half an hour and woke to found the party was still going strong, Nova realized that Astie was nowhere to be found.

When he finally located, her sitting on a rock edge a couple of miles from the party, Nova noted that she seemed pensive as if some weighty matter was occupying her mind. "Are you all right?" he inquired.

Astie smiled at his thoughtfulness. "I'm just thinking that all these years I've wanted to be a true part of the clan, and now I can't help but wonder what my family in Quelii would think of the fact I'm now a part of the group that destroyed our home world."

Asteria had never spoken of her past, and Nova found himself curious to know more about her family. "Did you have any siblings?" he asked.

"Just a brother named Alek," she replied. "He was about nine years older than I was, since I was what my mother called 'a late in life surprise'. In spite of the age difference, he always made time to play with me."

Nova didn't ask what became of her family when Quelii was invaded by the Mandalorians; he only gently held her as she talked about her old family and how much she missed them.

…

While Nova was finally permitted to take part in the invasion of Taris, Jerran assigned him to stay with Astie, and they didn't see much action. The only bright spot was Nova noting that he was now only four inches shorter than Asteria, who at five feet and ten inches towered over most human women. Taris was quickly subdued and brought to heel, although some of the swoop gangs in the Lower Cities made trouble.

"You'll get your chance to fight soon enough," Astie reassured him. "With the capture of Taris, the Republic can't ignore our raids any longer."

"At this rate, I'll never catch up with Ajax," Nova wailed, not caring that he was whining. "He's always bragging about how he single handedly took Vanquo."

Astie snorted. "From what I've heard from our cousins, Ajax does very little of the fighting and attempts to take all the credit and glory."

Suddenly, Nova sensed a flashing movement and knocked Asteria down helping her to dodge a vibroknife attack. Before the assailant could recover, Nova shot her. It was a red skinned Twi'lek woman, who twitched for a few moments and spat "For the resistance!" before going still.

When they returned to base, Jerran gave him a pat on the back and praised him for his courage and valor. The brown skinned warrior had never married and considered Asteria and Nova to be his adopted children. As Nova took all the congratulations from the other warriors, he remembered the disconcerting spasms of the Twi'lek before she finally died and didn't feel much like a hero.

…

His rivalry with Ajax finally came down to a confrontation on Eres III. Ajax attempted to take him down during the aftermath of the battle. However, he didn't count on Nova experiencing a premonition, warning him beforehand. Nova easily dodged Ajax's first strike, and managed to put a dent in his rival's armor. They were evenly matched until another being suddenly intervened. It was Irina, the Echani teen who broke her parents' hearts by joining the Neo-Crusaders. This gave Nova the opening he needed to deal the death blow to Ajax, who could only gurgle from his slit throat that his hated rival emerged triumphant in their conflict.

No one mourned for Ajax, who was unpopular for shirking his duties and messing around with other people's slaves. That evening when Nova was finally given his tattoo, he met Irina's calm gaze and winked flirtatiously. He was rewarded with her blushing scarlet. In addition, he was now as tall as Astie who gave him a tight hug and whispered, "I told you, you would do better than Ajax."

At the celebration party, Nova snuck off with Irina and finally learned how to make love. He now comprehended why some of the warriors snuck off to have trysts.

…...

"You can't do this!" Asteria pleaded. She now was four inches shorter than Nova, who'd finally finished growing.

Nova felt furious that his foster sister was trying to prevent him from joining a portion of their clan who would take part in the battle at Malachor V. It was a taboo world for the Mandalorians, but Nova only cared about the opportunity to distinguish himself and perhaps be promoted. It didn't matter that the war was turning against them, and the Jedi were luring them into a trap. All that mattered was the opportunity to fight alongside his girlfriend Irina.

"This is his choice," Jerran pointed out sensibly, although he declined to lead the portion of their clan who would embark into the thick of the battle.

"You'll die," she whispered. "I can't lose you Nova, not like…." She didn't complete her sentence, but Nova knew she meant "like Alek". He knew that she also experienced premonitions, but for once Nova decided to ignore them.

"I'll be fine," he said firmly. He hugged his foster sister for the last time, although he of course was ignorant of this fact.

…

When Nova came too after their ship was pulled into the planet, he noted that his girlfriend lay dead next him, her neck turned at an unnatural angle. While a small portion of Nova grieved for Irina's death, the wound felt distant, as though it occurred to another being. He also realized that his own body felt burned to a black crisp, like an overdone nerf steak. Nova felt a hunger, deep as a canyon that he desperately needed to satisfy. He moved cautiously through the wreckage of the ship and out onto the desolate wasteland of a planet. When he realized that he was not the last survivor, a human man waved him over.

"I'm glad to see I'm not the only Mandalorian who survived," he said. "What's your name."

Instead of responding, Nova struggled against the urge to feed on this being who was his comrade-in-arms. Finally, the hunger won, and he drained the man who screamed a chilling wail, his face an expression of shock at the betrayal. When he was finished, Nova briefly felt satisfied. However, in several hours hence, he once again felt the urge to feed on the lives of those few survivors and set off, what little morals he'd once possessed left in the graveyard world that was Malachor V.

Author's Note: So I decided to go against grain and have Nihilus be a Mandalorian. I hope you enjoyed this fic and as always please read and review.


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